Family

Interactions with the people I love. Enjoy.

-ASG

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Me- “Thinking about having a baby is like thinking about vegetables. I never really want them, but once they’re right in front of my it’s like ‘Hey, these are pretty good’, y’know?”

Wife- “Eat the baby.”

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W- “How do airplanes find their way at night? I mean, do they have headlights on the front? If so, how can they see that far?”

M- “Wait, you think pilots just get up in the air, look for the airport they’re going to, and that’s how they navigate?”

W- “. . . no .”

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Me- “Frosty the Snowman is racist.”

Wife- “What? Really?”

Me-“Oh yeah . . . he is based off of some white guy who used to kill Black people. That’s why they called him Frosty, cuz he’d kill them and ‘put them on ice’ in the morgue. It was sometime in the 1920’s, y’know, before police investigations had cool tech, so they could never track him down.”

Wife-“Is this one of your lies?”

Me-“. . . no.”

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Brother- “Do I have to be clean shaven at this new job?”

Dad- “Your sideburns can’t go below your ears.”

Brother- “Which ones?”

Dad- “. . .”

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Me- “Doug . . . did you just poop your pants in my car?! What were you thinking!”

Brother- “Dude, I just went for it.”

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