The more I pay attention to my own experiences the more I realize that some of the most relevant moments of my life are actually in between moments. As I set about at my first “real” day at my new career/job, I was pretty busy doing all those job-like things. Making phone calls. Scheduling appointments. Managing my schedule. Throughout all of these tasks I had a vague sense that I was living and breathing, that I was entering into some portal of adulthood that, hitherto, had not been breached.
At an unintended pause between tasks I caught myself looking outside of my office window. Nearby a tree was barely moving in the breeze. The yellow sun was making my left side sweat. In that brief moment I felt like a single thread had been plucked, and I could somehow feel the vibrations resonating throughout my life. Suddenly, there was a flash of a memory nearly forgotten. I was playing in my front yard, about 9 years old, with some Lego’s and a Micheal Keaton Batman action figure. I felt a direct connection between that boy that I used to be and the man that I am now. In the same moment the thought was both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I realized that those were good times. I realized that I could never return to that boy. Yet I was content to move on. I was content to be there working toward some unknown future.
When I came out of my momentary trance I took brief inventory of my new office. Strewn about were markers, crayons, some children’s books, some children’s games, and Lego’s. The only thing that seemed to be missing were action figures. Standard issue for a child and adolescent therapist. In a way, I guess, that little boy still lives on.